I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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