So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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