we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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