I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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