I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
