kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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