this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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