the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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