Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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