So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
