Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
