bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
