please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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