I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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