look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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