dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
