is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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