well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
