you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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