why didn't you poke me back
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
