So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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