Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
