Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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