Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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