I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Boobs speak an international language.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
