I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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