at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
