She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
