I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
