You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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