I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
