he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
