I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
