we have officially lost it.
i just google imaged poop.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
