Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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