Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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