Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
