Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
