She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
