So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
