What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
