I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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