is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
