I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
