I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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