Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
BRING THE BAGELS
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
