She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
