I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
