I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
