i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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