it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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