That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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