By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
