I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
