he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
