Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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