i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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