the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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