tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
