Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
