Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
