you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
