they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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