im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
